Please Help Me Not Kill My Boyfriend

Dear Ellyn,

My boyfriend is a more intense interior decorator than I am.



Dear Miriam,

I think my boyfriend loves the Infiniti G37 hard top convertible way more than he loves me and I’m jealous.

Please advise,


Dear Ellyn,

First of all, don’t be jealous. Make him buy you one. I checked it out on and it’s hot and sexy and really not so expensive–as far as hot and sexy cars go. And last time I checked, Shaun wasn’t exactly not raking it in. And you guys live in Jersey City, which is cheap (no offense) and besides, it will go well with your Las Jersey Trump building apartment. Second of all, you are hot and sexy. When in said car distract him with said sexiness. Wear crazy seductive (but not skanktacular, never skantacular, clothes) so that he’ll pull over to do dirty things to you. Then ask for the car. Then insist upon driving it unless making him drive you to the beach where you can drink lots of margaritas and he can drive you home. Jealousy problem: solved.



Dear Miriam,

Do you mean he wants everything to match? Or that he is snobby and only wants high-end expensive cabinetry and refuses to buy anything vintage or salvaged? Is it because he finally feels like this is a real adult apartment and wants to impress other cohabitating couples friends that come over? Does he think he needs conversation pieces in case the wine/cheese/Scrabble couples game night gets boring? I wouldn’t complain too much. Especially if he has good style and taste. It’s nice to enjoy a grown-up apartment without mismatched furniture and your former roommate’s ugly lamps. My mom would say it’s better “Feng Shui” and good for the soul. Ask him if it’s inappropriate to take the beer pong table into apartment adulthood. He’ll have to compromise somewhere.


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1 Response to Please Help Me Not Kill My Boyfriend

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention Ellyn and Miriam Share Boyfriend Advice | JFKLAX --

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