When a newly single girlfriend came to visit for a weekend getaway last month, I tried to set her up. It worked – for a hot second:
“I should introduce you to _____. He’s really smart, loves to laugh, watch sports, eat new foods. Most girls takes his sarcastic jokes too seriously though and you definitely have to know when to tune out. And you’d probably have to boss him around. But he loves to travel!”
“Oh, my friend _____ is single! He’s fun and cute and a really good cook. But he’s kind of a hot emotional mess right now. And once when he and his girlfriend were broken up before, I was the other woman for a while.”
(To the men I mentioned above: please know that this all out of my deep love for you. And forgive me.)
I love my inner Yente. I love all the bits and pieces of my inner Jewess, probably because there are so few left. But I suck at setting my friends up with each other, namely because I tell the truth. The one successful setup I’ve made (and it was seriously successful, because they are going on four years) was based on lies. I told him she thought he was hot, I told her he thought she was hot, put them together in a bar, and let their hot magic do the rest of the work.
When I first started dating Bryan, I complained to my therapist that he wasn’t totally open about his emotions. She looked at me point-blank and said: “Did you really think you were going to pick somebody uncomplicated?” And that’s the thing: we are all complicated in our own crazy way. And good relationships help you uncomplicate and grow and decraze. (Just ask Bryan.) But we have to find those relationships with the right people at the right time… on our own.
So to all my friends, single and coupled: do not ask me for relationship advice. Unless you want the brutal truth, of course.