The Sweetest, Nicest Raging Bitch You'll Ever Meet

Apparently, I am a mean bitch. Which I did not fully recognize until I started blogging.

Indulge me while I elaborate. I was on the phone with my dear friend Linley, whom I have known for amost twelve years, and she was telling me how much jfklax makes her laugh, and as we were talking, it occurred to me that maybe sometimes I go too harsh for the punch. So I asked her, straight up, “do I sound like a bitch on the blog?” Cue the very pregant pause. Then Linley goes, “well, I can hear you saying everything you write out loud…”

(This, for the record, from the woman who once called me four-eyes and busted up laughing.)

I guess if I were Catholic this is where I’d start confessing my sins. I am mean. And judgmental. I enjoy making fun of people I don’t like – those I actually know (no comment) and don’t know (mainly the skanks of LA right now). The one and only time I laughed at Chelsea Handler was when she called Angelina Jolie a very bad word I won’t repeat here. To be fair, I have also been known to call myself by the very same bad name. And I will never stop cracking jokes at my own expense. I mean, have you read this blog?

The way I see it, it’s all fine and good to be a mean bitch – so long as you don’t harm the people you love and care about while doing it. Ask anyone of my friends, and most of my family, and they will tell you they have never met a kinder, sweeter raging bitch. I will do just about anything for the people I love and especially, those that love me too. Even the ones who tell me my lips are too thin and that my Pashmina is too grandma.

Back when Ellyn and I met in writing class, our teacher taught us a concept called “sympathy for the devil,” which dictates that every character you write, no matter how cruel or vindictive, has to be sympathetic, in some way, shape, or form. It’s an idea that I apply both in writing and in life. In other words, I firmly believe that everybody has a right to be who they need to be and behave the way they need to behave. Just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Then again, it doesn’t mean you should forgive it either.

But in my case, at least today, on this blog, I will ask: a little sympathy for the devil in me please.