Please Help Me Not Kill My Boyfriend, Monica Geller Edition

Dear Miriam,

I’m definitely the Monica in my relationship. I’m really Type A with OCD, and Shaun is basically the opposite. I need to plan ahead, and sometimes he’ll tell me at the last minute that we have to go to a birthday party or that his friends are coming for the night. Or when I’m thinking we’ll go home after work, make dinner, and watch a movie, he accidentally stays at work playing foosball until 8:30. How do I deal with his impulse non-plan plans without having a nervous breakdown?

Addicted to the calendar,

Dear Ellyn,

A couple months ago, I started writing television. Sitcoms, specifically. (And no, nobody is paying me for it.) Bryan has been writing scripts for almost two years now, and he’s teaching me a lot of the tricks of the trade, but the cold hard truth is that he’s a better screenwriter than I am. (At least for now.) Mainly, he’s so much funnier than me. I know I’m not supposed to compare myself to him, blah, blah, blah, but every time he comes up with a better joke or gets more pages written, I kind of want to smack him in the face.

Help me keep his face pretty please,

Dear Miriam,

First, that’s awesome! I didn’t know you were writing sitcoms! But I suppose it makes sense since you moved to LA and everyone is in a movie or show.

I think the most important (but annoying) thing to remember here is patience. Like you said, Bryan has been writing scripts for years. And it’s not a competition. You have to play on the same team! Actually I was watching The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and some sex therapist told a couple that. It makes sense, and it’s coming from a real expert. You could always try to write a script together if he’s up for it. If not, just realize that you’re writing two completely different shows. His jokes would never be the same as yours, because his humor is different. And the audience that watches his shows is most likely not the same one that will watch yours. In terms of writing pages, I mean do you count all of the other writing you do on a daily basis? It’s not like you’re sitting around eating bon bons all day. Isn’t he going to school to write screenplays? You definitely shouldn’t compare yourself to him in that regard. It’s just unfair!

If you feel like smacking him in the face, just picture him as the five-year-old he once was. Sometimes I do that with Shaun and then I’m like… aww gee. Now I feel bad. He’s so cute. That might be terrible advice, so basically just stop competing with Bryan. It’s not a race, you’re two different people with different voices, and you’ll get better. After all, you only started a few months ago. Nobody becomes an expert overnight. No one said it was easy being two cohabitating writers. You have to take the prose with the cons, you said so yourself!

Also, can you please write another show that’s as good as Friends? I can’t seem to get into anything besides that.

No pressure,

Dear Ellyn,

I love you, but I don’t actually think this is a problem. At least not for you. Maybe it’s because I’m the Monica in my relationship too. But then again relationships are all about compromise and communication, so there’s that too. Everyone has flaws. And when you decide to truly throw in with someone, you have to deal with everything they bring to the table, skinny legs and all, as they say. There are a whole lot of worse things you (and I do know you, Ellyn Rice) could bring to the table than a little OCD. So yes, Shaun, this is me, Monica #2, telling you to man up.

Actually, I have a very simple solution for you two. It’s called Google Calendar. It even syncs with your phones too! Share your Google calendars. It will give Ellyn the opportunity to plan till she dies, and it will give Shaun the flexibility to add last-minute events without taking Ellyn by surprise. And while I know I just told Shaun to man up in the last paragraph, Ellyn you need to woman up too. If this is something that happens enough to irk you, talk to Shaun. It’s your responsibility to let him know what you need.

Seriously guys, Google calendar. It’s the modern solution to every couple’s communication needs.

Getting a little too high on my awesome advice,

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1 Response to Please Help Me Not Kill My Boyfriend, Monica Geller Edition

  1. Pingback: Please Help Me Not Kill My Boyfriend, Micromanagement Edition | JFKLAX

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