Please Help Me Not Kill My Boyfriend, He's Making Me Y-A-W-N

Dear Ellyn,

Bryan tells a lot of bad jokes. He also tells a lot of good jokes. But the problem is he tells them to me, and then he tells them to our friends we meet for dinner, and then our friends we meet for drinks. And then he tells them all again to some other randoms two weeks later. Basically, I’ve lost the ability to laugh and now I’m insulting him.

Complicated in love,

Dear Miriam,

Shaun needs to watch TV in order to fall asleep, but I can’t fall asleep until the TV is already off. I’d tell him to watch TV in the living room, but then he spends the night out there, which I hate even more. Why can’t he just be normal and read before bed instead?

Thinking of slipping him a sleeping pill at dinner,

Dear Ellyn,

Seriously thinking you should slip him a sleeping pill. Or five. Whatever. That’s beyond annoying.

I’m actually stumped. People say that sex is the most important thing in a relationship but I’m convinced it’s actually sleep. Followed by compromise. Cause if you don’t both get your snooze on you’ll never actually have the energy to have sex and then you’ll forget why you even share a bed in the first place.

The only possible solution I can think of is one of those television sleep timer things. I have no idea how those work, or if they work with your DVR or DVDs or what, but my suggestion? Figure it out. And make Shaun work with it. That’s more than compromise. Also — and not to sound like your grandma — maybe you guys need a bedtime. So that he can get his TV fix and you can still get to sleep at a reasonable hour.

In a dream world (pun intended), Shaun would just change his habits for you. But since that’s not going to happen, maybe you can guilt him into buying you a super comfy hardcore sleep-mask. And earplugs. If he balks, hand him a sleep clinic brochure. Or several.

If all else fails, I can always send Bryan over to tell some jokes. That’ll put you both to sleep in seconds. Oh wait… you could just play the video below. On loop. That’d do the trick.

Why are our boyfriends such nerds?

Dear Miriam,

This is a tough one. On one hand, it’s a little endearing. My grandfather tells the same stories over and over and over. Granted he’s almost eighty-years-old, but I always pretend the stories are new because he’s so good at telling them. I imagine if I wanted to write him as a character one day, the re-telling helps me memorize him and his stories or jokes. You could think the same about Bryan. Long shot?

On the other hand, I feel bad for you if the jokes are terrible. Have you told him how you feel? Not to hurt his feelings, but he should be aware that you’ve heard them multiple times before. Does he start the joke each time by acknowledging, “Now Miriam’s heard this, but…. knock, knock.”

Otherwise it’s sort of rude to just ignore the fact that you have to listen to the broken record. Now if the joke is actually good, it would make you laugh every time. Does he have any like that? Maybe you could help him tell it. Oh, here’s a good idea. Tell his punch lines. That way, he’ll start to catch on that maybe you’ve heard the joke enough. Plus people might think it’s even funnier that you tell a joke together. It’s just so corny! That or it will be super awkward, Bryan will get really upset, and you can smugly go on your merry way knowing he’ll probably never tell that joke again. Which is mean, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

If all else fails, tell him to get some new jokes that might actually bring back your smile. Here’s one from Shaun to add to the mix… and yes, he signed a waiver and actually said it’s okay for us to post this on the interweb.

Ha ha ha,

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10 Responses to Please Help Me Not Kill My Boyfriend, He's Making Me Y-A-W-N

  1. Shaun says:

    I insist that you change the youtube video title to “Shaun’s very witty joke”

  2. Nicole says:

    Omg shaun hahahahahhaha ihaahhahahhahah love it…i think that could be a good sleazy pick up line too!

  3. Pat says:

    That’s just like my classic joke. What’s the difference between a Cadillac and a pile of dead babies?

  4. Susan says:

    HAHAHAH That joke is pretty freaking funny. It definitely made me LOL, but Pat, I don’t understand where you’re going with your version of the joke….

  5. RJ says:

    Well susan, I’m guessing he doesn’t have a cadillac.

  6. Sarah says:

    bahahahahahaha Shaun thats so funny!

    Also Ellyn my roommate has the tv issue too and we set the timer for 90 mins every night so she can watch Golden Girls before she goes to sleep lol

  7. Pat says:

    …I don’t have a Cadillac in my garage, duh.

  8. Sarah says:

    EWWWWW dad just said… whats worse than a truck full of dead babies… one in the middle eating its way out. GROSS DAD!

  9. Pat says:

    what’s worse than that? the baby goes back for seconds.

  10. Ali says:

    Lol Shaun, hilarious.. Hopefully that’s not how you picked Ellyn up!

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