JFKLAX, Meet SAN

So it’s been two weeks since Ellyn moved to San Diego, and while she’s not having second thoughts – have you seen the beaches? – now that she’s sort of settled, she has a few questions. Fortunately, it’s just a year since Miriam completed her cross-country move, so she has some answers. And maybe some counter questions.

Ellyn: When you first moved to LA, did you have any feelings of intense regret, like maybe you made a horrible mistake?

Miriam: Oh my god, yes. The first or second week we were here I remember standing in Home Depot, trying to locate a shelf to install in our melon yellow (no joke) bathroom and I asked someone to help me and they literally said, “I’m not allowed to move from my post.” I just left the cart where I was standing and told Bryan to meet me in the car. Then I bawled. Bitching at people in California gets you nowhere. And customer service people? Frickin’ stupid as balls. Granted we were in the valley, but still. I AM A NEW YORKER, I GET WHAT I WANT RIGHT NOW.

Speaking of which, how’s that whole San Diego go-with-the-flow vibe treating you, Monica ?

E: Seriously a lot of people here are just plain stupid (definitely not all, but a fair amount). I don’t know if it’s because they smoke too much weed or have just lived in a sleepy beach town for their entire lives. The management in my downtown building is dumb as rocks. You can typically find Shaun at the front desk arguing with security about the drunk idiot skateboarding through the parking deck without pants. I’ll be at yoga trying to calm my Manhattan nerves.

So when you fight with Bryan, do you threaten to move back to the East Coast?

M: Never. His family? Far greater than my family. Do you threaten to send Shaun back to the East Coast?

E: No, because I wouldn’t have any friends without him. I get really sad when he has to travel for work. I might threaten to send myself back, but that hasn’t happened yet.

Also, who drives and why? Do you both have cars?

M: Please tell me you bought a car. Because otherwise Shaun will be dead in a month and you will be pulling a Casey Anthony.

When do you think you’ll get sick of all the sight-seeing?

E: I didn’t get a car YET, but I probably will have to soon. Maybe I’ll get a baby blue Vespa and paint my name on it with glitter, so Shaun isn’t tempted to borrow it. And I never got sick of sightseeing in New York, especially with visitors, so I doubt I will here. I’m not sure if I could ever get sick of the beaches. It’s not crowded like the Jersey shore, and the weather is 75 and sunny every single day.

What if you both have to work from home?

M: Second bedroom. Or as we prefer to call it, the time-out room. I mainly put myself in time out.

How’s cost-of-living compare so far?

E: The wine is so cheap. I remember you saying that about LA, but it’s ridiculous! Since we’re used to the Las Jersey lifestyle, our apartment isn’t cheap, although we got a two bedroom for the same price we paid for our one-bedroom in Jersey City. Grocery shopping is overall cheaper too. Gas is more expensive and we have to pump it ourselves (In Jerz, we don’t pump gas, we pump fist!)

What about going home for the holidays? How do you compromise?

M: Well, since I’m Jewish and don’t need to go home for Christmas, and Thanksgiving is just not worth the cost, it works out great. Except for the part where we do these ten-day crazy-town trips (east coast exiles) and hit three-plus cities, because if you’re gonna pay for a ticket to the East Coast, you best make the most of it.

E: Do you think you’ll ever move back to New York? Or the East Coast?

M: New York, maybe. Once we’ve created a television show that’s in syndication and are mad rich, of course. Cause I also want that house in the Los Feliz hills, and the one on the California coast.

You?

E: I miss my friends and family, and I hope they all move to the West Coast. Before I moved to San Diego, I said I’d probably end up back in the Philly suburbs especially if we decide to have a family one day. But then I drove through La Jolla. New life goal: have a sick mansion overlooking the Pacific in the most expensive neighborhood in the US.

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