Please Help Me Not Kill My Boyfriend, Road Rage Edition

Dear Ellyn,

Whenever we get stuck in traffic and/or lost, Bryan asks me to navigate. Trouble is I’m not very good at reading maps and he’s not very good at patience. How do I buy myself time to look up directions before he gets aggravated and busts out his own phone to navigate himself and I get aggravated that he even asked me in the first place?

Stuck in hell on the 10,

Dear Miriam,

My boyfriend and I always fight in the car when he’s driving. I nag, hold on, and curse, because he’s reckless and inconsiderate. He doesn’t seem to think he has a problem. I can’t offer to drive, because his car is stick shift and I don’t have my own car. I pray he gets pulled over, which is wrong, I know.

Stop the road rage,

Dear Miriam,

If you’re going somewhere unfamiliar, I suggest secretly using the Google Maps app on your phone as soon as you get in the car. It doesn’t make noise, and you can follow along until Bryan needs help. Or buy him a Garmin or TomTom for Chrismukkah and make him use it wherever you go. That way you can blame that if you get lost. In fact, I have a little nickname for Shaun’s GPS. It’s called “Slut Face” because it’s a woman’s voice and she’s such a know-it-all. He would never listen to me over her when it comes to directions. But then it’s not your fault if you end up in Kansas.

Drive nice,

Dear Ellyn,

I know you don’t watch Grey’s Anatomy but if it makes you feel better, there was recently a plotline in which Meredith left McDreamy in jail for the night for his reckless driving. As she explained to him the next morning, while he stood there reeking of jail-garbage, “Just for a little while I would know that you weren’t dying like you were dying on that table. That’s what I think about every time you pull out of the driveway.”

So maybe you don’t have to be quite that dramatic. (And maybe our boyfriends aren’t quite as stunningly hot as McDreamy.) My point is, stop nagging. Instead, couch your concerns in how much you care for him. I’m not saying don’t feel bad for wishing he would get a ticket, just make sure it’s for good reason. And while we’re on couching your concerns in showing how much you care for him, make an effort. Or pretend to make an effort. But take some driving lessons. Namely, manual driving lessons. Tell him you understand how much he loves his car and want to share that joyful experience with him.

Also tell him not to read this blog.

Embrace safe driving,

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3 Responses to Please Help Me Not Kill My Boyfriend, Road Rage Edition

  1. Pingback: Boyfriend Advice, Thanksgiving Edition | JFKLAX

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